tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454608135549582321.post314618932691825238..comments2024-01-22T09:16:28.167-08:00Comments on A Room Of My Own: #fridayflash At Dawn.Virginia Moffatthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12071059148315715405noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454608135549582321.post-42262105329843001202010-05-31T05:07:46.888-07:002010-05-31T05:07:46.888-07:00I thought of Charon as well. The piece is quite ef...I thought of Charon as well. The piece is quite effective even without the background information.Laura Enohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09982794146667832204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454608135549582321.post-23082502910680672782010-05-30T09:30:25.124-07:002010-05-30T09:30:25.124-07:00The atmosphere is heavy and rife with untold stori...The atmosphere is heavy and rife with untold stories. Mesmerizing description of the women on shore.<br />If that's a cop-out it's the best cop-out i've seen!Cathy Olliffe-Websterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12729578896443750402noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454608135549582321.post-88131299238797932182010-05-30T08:35:34.180-07:002010-05-30T08:35:34.180-07:00Good story. The sound effects really added to the ...Good story. The sound effects really added to the atmosphere of the piece. I enjoyed it.Eric J. Krausehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05774468607814244185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454608135549582321.post-6645724610423936822010-05-29T03:50:47.334-07:002010-05-29T03:50:47.334-07:00Very sensual - with the shivers and the shreiks. I...Very sensual - with the shivers and the shreiks. I particularly liked the sense of sound - the creak, splash, creak, splash, and the lap, lap, lap of the waves.David Mastershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12809185582216906363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454608135549582321.post-8536899949153322712010-05-28T14:06:57.674-07:002010-05-28T14:06:57.674-07:00Yes, it definitely works - probably even better in...Yes, it definitely works - probably even better in context, but it stands alone well, too.<br /><br />I don't think it matters with regard to the character's grief that we don't know the background - we know she's just said goodbye to her daughter, so her reaction isn't hard to understand.<br /><br />In the Demeter context, I suppose it would indicate the storms of autumn and winter, so a bit of melodrama seems appropriate.<br /><br />It's very atmospheric, and I'd love to read the rest of it!Aislinn O'Connorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10016307238982902244noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454608135549582321.post-24600346443954986742010-05-28T12:07:04.950-07:002010-05-28T12:07:04.950-07:00Thanks folks - this is encouraging.
I wanted to s...Thanks folks - this is encouraging.<br /><br />I wanted to see if it worked as a piece of writing. Ruth a character in 1990 is reading Elsie's notebooks. I want Ruth to feel it's good & identify with the subject matter. So that's what I was checking really. You wouldn't really get a clue about Elsie from this, other than that she's trying to write and likes Greek mythology.<br />The important thing in the novel is she and Ruth are drawn to the same materials...<br /><br />Thanks for your tips John will make a note of them.<br /><br />And yep - its Demeter/Persephone &Charon. Great explanation for the season's cycle and one I really got when I lived in the country. (hence it's presence in the novel!)Virginia Moffatthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12071059148315715405noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454608135549582321.post-12117158381938187342010-05-28T11:59:23.708-07:002010-05-28T11:59:23.708-07:00There is no sense of a particular author to the st...There is no sense of a particular author to the story. No "I" or first-person insight; the descriptions in the first paragraph all sound third person omniscient. If you say Elsie wrote it, that's fine, but I don't know her from you. I don't think you need a cop-out, either. The story is fine. Probably plays better with the context of your novel, but I swallowed it all just fine.<br /><br />Melodrama really isn't a problem. Maybe in the third paragraph, with the weeping and overreaction to what we have no context to fear. Not really a problem. Could still be toned down, since the final paragraph cements who the players were and what was at emotional stake. I think it all materializes regardless of how you might reshape it, though.John Wiswellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07416044628686736927noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454608135549582321.post-1641173194911941192010-05-28T11:32:44.725-07:002010-05-28T11:32:44.725-07:00I thought of Demeter's story as well, especial...I thought of Demeter's story as well, especially the last paragraph. That was my favorite and the images of the fields crying lingered in my mind. The anger in the rhythm there is so strong. I love it! Great story. Your character did well!Joanie Richhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09923353641823849082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454608135549582321.post-4562338955755239042010-05-28T09:41:54.389-07:002010-05-28T09:41:54.389-07:00Made me think of Demeter & Persephone. And the...Made me think of Demeter & Persephone. And then with a hint of Mist of Avalon. But it was completely your (character's) voice.<br /><br />Excellent and well done. Loved it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454608135549582321.post-15791761007133162352010-05-27T15:46:22.761-07:002010-05-27T15:46:22.761-07:00I agree with Marc in that I thought of Charon appr...I agree with Marc in that I thought of Charon approaching for the victim.<br /><br />The <i> splash, creak, splash </i> brought a menacing rhythm to oarman's arrival.<br /><br />And both the bird and the mother shrieking in mourning was quite a vivid image.Marisa Birnshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17945909737147497606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454608135549582321.post-69860045842003619902010-05-27T14:48:08.090-07:002010-05-27T14:48:08.090-07:00Ah thank you Marc. That's what I wanted to hea...Ah thank you Marc. That's what I wanted to hear. My character is someone who never gets the chance to fulfil her potential. A modern day character discovers it, so I want it to be of reasonable quality...So this is encouraging!Virginia Moffatthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12071059148315715405noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5454608135549582321.post-27907183286393726872010-05-27T14:40:34.234-07:002010-05-27T14:40:34.234-07:00I can't comment on any wider context for this,...I can't comment on any wider context for this, but I found this piece all of a whole and rather powerfully affecting. The silent boatman, suggestive of Charon, your description of the quiet but menacing approach signalled by the splish of the oars.<br /><br />Good stuff<br /><br />marc nashSulci Collectivehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03293833259808943096noreply@blogger.com